We sat there in the car in total silence other than the occasional
shuffle or pretend cough. Both of us not wanting to be there but
compelled by the unnatural forces binding us not to be the first one to
open the door, ultimately being the first to motion retreat by the
action. Some pretend attempts to start a false conversation that failed
on purpose from each of us tried to escape our lips. But nothing was
said and the minutes passed uncomfortably in our self made prison of
love gone bad.
We knew it was over but something
always tugs or gnaws at ones inner core about such things, in respect
you think when is it actually over, at what moment in space and time
does it start? You pretend you knew when it was but until that final
goodbye there is that doubt that comes with not wanting to lose the
loss. Something inside you wants to try and fix this thing that has
manifested itself over time to your heart and soul. It’s like and actual
part of your body being ripped right off you as you are helpless to
stop it. All you can do is witness it all happen in slow motion and deal
with the trauma in the aftermath.
The true cruel twisted humor of
it is you question the entire menagerie before it even happens and play
and replay all the possible scenarios or outcomes in your head for days
if not weeks pre-planning the whole event when or if it should happen.
Not thinking it would but you have been hurt before so subconsciously it
auto invades in your brain the self preservation of your heart and
conditioning the pain to self construct a wall or barrier from those
that would pretend. Pretend to care, pretend to love, pretend to have a
family, pretend to allow you to conceive forever.
They
are heartless in their intent to contempt our feeling, they use them
like a security blanket and dare to roll all up in it leaving our feet
exposed to the cruel nights cold. They are the cold, the darkness, the
abyss. Never there but always there, no substance but yet is everything.
Their terrorany spreads itself in you like a virus eating away at all
of you simultaneously in little bits securing its foot hold in every
part of you.
Now the time arises to cleanse yourself from all the
toxins they have planted in you and they don't want to lose control,
after all they have planned and scrutinized every waking moment to get
this far. To them the game is yet to be played and we are at our wits to
end it here and now. To be rid of their toxic influences that corrupts
our very existence in this place, this time, this plane, even this very
moment as you open the door and walk away with no goodbyes
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