The Space Wanderer

I feel like a Space Wanderer looking for a place to for food and shelter. Never settling for what would work to lay this cold, tired celestial body at ease. My everlasting search for what my mind sees as the finally resting place is troubled with vast black space that sometimes fogs the path. The universal winds are not kind at times blowing me off course sporadically, but I again return to my quest vigilantly. The time is long and the suns are too few between the welcome warmth of their light. I gather my information about what in this system now in each of them. A never ending task that drains my soul as I leave a part of me to anyone that may cross my path. A desperate hope at best thinking there may be another like me, somewhere, wandering as I do. Perhaps they are my salvation, my transcendence, my opposite and maybe, just maybe the one thing that may make me complete or end this nightmare. The stars never seem to fade but they tease me as I gaze upon then in silence, the last time I have spoken has been a millennium ago. The very day I set out on this quest, leaving what I knew for the heavy black abyss. My beginning full of hope after what now seems such a short time to create my vessel. In the first days new planets and systems I looked forward to with anticipation, but now I do not give false hope to myself. I save that energy now, for it cannot be spared as I have not much left. My time I know is coming to an end soon enough as each passing day and system drains my hope. There is no deity in space to pray to, besides they could never hear you. If only I could return to the simple naivety of ignorance in the first years of my existence. The smiles and love that was shared now just a speck of space dust that has never repeated along the endless routes of this exploration. Am I the experiment, am I the space monkey lost to never return, an acceptable loss as they shifted to a new light. Do they even remember me? What they sent me out here for? It's been so long since the last transmission, could they have done the ultimate sin and now I am the last seed, the last hope for what was not is? Is there any reason to go any farther already past the point of return? The mind plays tricks on the body and soul here in the darkness, the light changes and gathers form pretending to answer the dreams of the loneliness that is like a virus or parasite that bores into my mind. Maybe this new system will bring an end and I gaze upon this Big Blue Ball. Such a marvelous contrast to the blackened abyss, it looks warm and inviting from afar glistening like the "Eye of the Universe". Perhaps this I will call home. I will name it "Earth" for is the truly the last seed of hope I have found in the Universe.

(by Roelin Davis 1/2012)