Who I Am

A simple task,
if only i could maintain the simple task.
For some reason i find myself
picking through the clovers beside the path.
I'm on a personal field trip
that only i can drive myself back from.
There's a certain peace there
filled with magic and splendor, it's addictive at times.
Why do want to go there ?
What makes me want to run away ?
What draws me to it or any other of it's kind ?
What makes me want to stay when i get there ?
What brings me back when i leave ?
How many times will i venture ?
How much time is really running out ?
All of these are good questions
but only one screams above the crowd.
Each calling for me to believe them
but i'm still clouded with the doubt.
If only i could shake them, learn how to love again.
But will anyone still take me
i'm the shadow of my former man.
I don't have anything to show them
I can barely show myself.
I know it's not my fault, just a victim of circumstance.
So when will it be my turn, to know love again ?
Am i relic of my past ? Am i just a faded thing ?
Am i already something to throw away ?
Or am i just too blind to see ?
That no one wants me, that no one cares for me.
And the nights keep getting colder
there's a shiver that keeps moving through my bones.
I can't shake what they all think of me.
I can't move the cloud before their eyes
So i can break free.
At least i can talk to myself
i listen to every word.
I can be polite, i can open my own door
I can show myself some grace
I can pretend the whole world likes me
for who i am.

(by Roelin Davis all rights reserved 4/5/2015)